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| Softballs
for the Mainstream Media |
In the event
the mainstream news media decides to equally apply it's "softball questions
only" policy to politicians who are NOT radical leftists, here are some
easy ones for them to throw at me:
What's your favorite
color? Camouflage.
How old are you?
I'm older than Obama, but muuuuch younger than Nancy Pelosi.
Who's better, Beyonce'
or Fergie? Couldn't tell you, I haven't slept with either of them.
What should we do about
global warming? Hang those responsible for starting the hoax.
What's your favorite
food? Barbecue beef ribs. Proper barbecue is made only from beef; pork
or chicken are nice side dishes, but the main course for any barbecue should
be beef.
What are your pets' names?
Itty Bit and Punkin are our two chihuahuas. We're shopping around to find
a boyfriend for Punkin.
How long have you been
married? I was married for five years, then we got divorced and she
moved back in with me. So technically, whether or not I'm married depends
on how cute the questioner is.
Do you have any kids?
Nope, I'm a professional uncle. Which means when I get tired of them, I
send them home.
What's your favorite
TV show? I don't really watch TV any more, save for the Houston Texans
games during football season. What little TV I see these days is whatever
the wife is watching.
Boxers or briefs?
Strictly briefs: I like to keep things where they belong.
What's on your Ipod?
Usually whatever I had for dinner the night before.
Do you text message a
lot? I've never understood why anyone would use a phone to send text
messages. Have we gotten so lazy that we don't even want to talk to anyone
any more?
Who are your heroes?
William Wallace, Davy Crockett, Smedley Butler, Chesty Puller, Bill Cosby,
Thomas Jefferson, George Patton, Warren Moon, Clyde Drexler, Andre Johnson,
Earl Campbell, Bum Phillips, Erwin Rommel, Hannibal, Margaret Thatcher,
Ronald Reagan, Alan Keyes, Ron Paul.
Do you read a lot? Who
are your favorite authors? Duh. Glen Cook, CJ Cherryh, Heinlein, Anne
Rice, Tom Clancy, R.A. Salvatore, Ayn Rand, Hemingway.
Who's your favorite rapper?
C.W. McCall. Look THAT one up, hehehehe. |
| Skeletons
in My Closet |
And if I ever
actually run for office, here is a nice little list of skeletons in my
closet the media liberals can try and hang me with:
1. I inhaled.Then I ate.
I had to stop smoking wacky weed because I couldn't afford the groceries.
2. I had sex before marriage.
Not much after marriage, but I had lots of it before.
3. I'm not pretty. Have
you ever seen a bald President who needs dental repair work? Thought not.
4. I lose my temper and
am very vocal about it. I would scare John McCain at his worst.
5. I have taken nude photographs
of other people and published them. I consider glamour photography to be
a refined form of art and not "pornography."
6. I have never been a successful
businessman (although I'm trying to change that with this web site) and
don't own several houses. I have had a house foreclosed on me. My credit
is not sterling.
7. I do not celebrate Cinco
de Mayo. It is a foreign holiday commemorating a victory by one foreign
army over another foreign army in a battle fought on foreign soil.
8. I do not believe that
you have a right to cruise down the street shaking the walls of nearby
houses with your car stereo blasting racist vulgarity. I *do* believe that
I have a right to confront you about it, and I do so. I don't call the
police and wait patiently for them to handle the spanking of the childish
offender.
9. I believe in limiting
the franchise to vote to those who have demonstrated their willingness
to take responsibility for our society by serving in the armed forces.
I think most Americans are too lazy to properly research most political
issues, too selfish to make the changes we need to make to fix our broken
government, and have been intentionally dumbed-down by our government to
make them too stupid to understand most political issues. |
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